Apple Seeds
Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness
I don’t have to tell you that lately, life has been rough for everyone, If you follow me, you also see that I have had my fair share of things to make me down too. This journal isn’t about that though.
This rotation off has been spent focusing on life and the pursuit of my happiness. As I write this, I am sitting on a freshly mopped porch. It was really dirty, and needed it. I also, repotted some plant and finally said goodbye to another one, you have to water them if you want them to live. Something about giving life to something that really needs your cultivation is nurturing to me.
The roommates cat has been anxious as he’s gone more now. In the beginning, the cat didnt know how to take and was a little skittish around me. It took some time to warm up to each other, but last night he came to me mewoing, sassy and uneasy. I took out a brush and brushed him this soothing calmed him enough to sleep and in that soothing of another being, I too was soothed. They say cats can feel our emotions, maybe he was feeling my anxiety.
And there in lies the big feeling in my life right now. Anxiety.
I think my anxiety is coming from lack of adventures. I and an adventous soul and really need to feed that need. It explains why lately, everything I read and watch involves adventures. Im reading a book “Jake does America” It involves a Veteran that travels America by bike relying solely the kindness of others to survive. The journey allows him to let his free spirit roam, in a way I’m jealous. Im jealous that he could just take off like that. I don’t think I could. Maybe thats part of my trust issue. I inheritingly don’t trust people, until I’m given a reason to. This is the next thing I need to work through.
A series I have binged through this weekend was “Kindness Diaries” its the same premise, only the host drives from Alaska to Argentina relying on the kindness of strangers. In a car that isn’t in the best shape. The story is touching as he finds so many people to offer kindness. He give back to people that have some pretty amazing stories. Its currently on Netfilx and I really think everyone should watch it.
Which leads me to my next adventure plan. By this time next year, I plan to be on adventures in a converted van more on that in later posts.im sure you all have some questions. I asure you I am not going crazy. Follow along It’ll all be worked out and your questions answered. This first part of this dream is the most exciting and exhausting, planning for this is a big step that I want to get right. It also helps me think of better days ahead.
Martin Luther said the quote above, and it has always rang true in my life. I need to always have hope for better things. It really is what gets me through. During cancer my apple seed was the thought of moving on, and the new adventures that brought. During this pandemic, which is arguably just as bad a chemo was, its a van, as silly as it seems a van coud be to do this, it really is. I’m planning so much. The van, the trips, the lifestyle changes I want to make, it’s so exciting and yet so vulnerable at the same time. Maybe thats why I’m drawn to it. It probably also helps that it is such a good diversion to work and the stagnant-ness of things right now.
Although I’m originally from the other side of the state from Detroit and I’ve only visited a handful of times, their motto sticks out to me: “Speramus Meliora” (meaning “We hope for better things) and “Resurget Cineribus” (meaning “It will rise from the ashes”). Maybe that is engrained in all of us Michiganders. Maybe its the tenacity of Sisu that is engrained in me from my Finnish influence. Either way, it is one of the only things that has help control my anxiety about what is going on.
The world is burning right now. I however am hoping for better things. Out of the ashes of the literal burning of statues and buildings I hope will come a society more eqitable for everyone. I am planting my apple seed on that. Unlearning some of the things I thought to be the truth. I’m planting my own seed of a new understandings, and this too is self care that is helping me with some of the anxiety as I have a new understanding about why things are happening.
And so there you have it, an update. A hope and a plan. What have you done for self care lately. Have you turned off the news for just on day to dream about the future? Have you helped give life and comfort to a non human. have you cared about your fellow humans? Have you asked someone their story?
Until next time. Be well.
